The Whole Armour of God

A few weeks ago I had a strange dream. Ron and I were being outfitted with armour. With heavy helmets, breastplates, heavy armour on our legs and feet and we were given swords. I distincly remember in the dream feeling the incredible weight of that armour. We were being prepared for battle, and we were going to war together! It felt so real---so serious. As I woke up pondering this strange dream I thought what is coming? What kind of war did I just dream about? Then that thought was immediately answered in my mind, "You are already at war, you are in the midst of it now." I looked up Ephesians 6:11-19 and read it again.

"Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel,"

After re-reading this scripture I found much to ponder over. It's been on my mind a lot lately, the things that we "wrestle" with in this mortal world. I pray God will give me, and all of us the strength to "withstand in this evil day!"

Santa Comes Early to Grandparents!

We figured Santa would be busy enough visiting our twelve wonderful grandchildren tonight, so he came to our home this evening! As I write this post on Christmas Eve at five minutes to twelve, I'm wearing my soft baby blue p.j.s my husband gave me, and I'm tickled about the gift card—I'm rich! Well, certainly rich in blessings!!!! Ron plugged in his new Norelco so he can have a good shave in the morning too! We waited to open some of our children's gifts so they can share the fun. I also took Ron to the movies this afternoon after he took me to the temple this morning! We saw “The Blindside.” I'm glad I had a pocket full of Kleenex for my cold, 'cause I cried like a baby nearly the whole movie! Everyone needs to see this movie. We definitely want to buy this one. If you've seen this movie then you might understand my sadness in my last post for people caught in poverty. REAL POVERTY—and why a toy for a tot at Christmas is a drop in the bucket of the needs of people in deep poverty. The movie is beautiful and ends on such a high! And, it's based on a very true story!

Then tonight I read a review in Meridian Magazine (I love this online magazine) about Dickens "A Christmas Carol." This amazing story opened the eyes of the people of his time to the cruelty and poverty of Dickens world, and probably gave birth to the idea of giving to the poor at Christmas time. Society has come such a long, long way in caring for the poor, but watching this movie today illustrates that there is still such a long way to go. When all the poor are cared for the way "Big Mike" was, then we will have Zion! It made me realize why I just can't participate in Sub for Santa's—the need is SO MUCH BIGGER than that, and I can't do what Sandra Bullock did for Big Mike. I feel too small for the enormity of the problem and terrified that I might do more harm than good by a pittance at Christmas time!

If that wasn't enough (I've never had such time on my hands on Christmas Eve before) tonight, I decided to read through a few old journal entries. I haven't been a great journal keeper — not a consistent one for sure — but I ran into this one from

January 26, 1998: "Well, I haven’t written in my journal for a very long time. Becky is in Florida with Kristi and Ron and I are alone. Just on an impulse I stopped by to look at an Ivory home again. It was lovely and upstairs was a magnificent master suite, with three other bedrooms. A nursery, a little boys room, and a little girls room. As I slowly passed through them I felt waves of nostalgia— I will never need a home like this again in this life. My children are nearly raised. The future stretches out before me, and the same question my children are asking becomes mine, “What shall I do when I grow up?” I may only be half-finished with my life! (Of course I could die tomorrow—one never knows.) But, if I live, forty-seven more years is a long time. Ron asked (I think almost sincerely) if we should adopt more children. But, I don’t think that is what the Lord would have me do now. I don’t think I could go through all that again. I know I have learned many, many things—but . . .I’m more inclined to think I’d better just pass them on to the good of my grandchildren! Anyway, I think I would like to write! Really write! Write such gripping and well told stories, that they hook people, and then bear a powerful witness of the Savior and His plan! Just knock the reader over! And then lift him to heaven! Make people go away from a book of mine feeling good—really, really good about life, with a resolve to live better, serve better, trust the Lord more completely, and most of all to turn to Him for their consolation! That’s what my desire is—to bring souls unto Christ!—with the power of the written word. I prayed that the Lord would give me this gift so that I might serve Him. Now I feel that I must write something everyday—practice if you will, before He would ever grant such a gift to me. So begins the day!"

Little did I know that just one year later my son would have chosen to end his life, and my heart would literally be broken in every way, and then only two months later I would have open heart surgery for a hole in my heart that had been causing mini-strokes for the last several years. It took a long, long time to heal physically, especially since I had the surgery AGAIN the next year. Compared to my grief, it was easy to heal a broken heart physically. It's been ten years! For most of them I didn't even so much as write a letter until my daughter encouraged me to start this blog. Did I really ever feel that way about writing? Such passion! Now, it really doesn't matter. I just want to do what the Lord would have me do — whatever that is — WHATEVER that is! Whatever shall I do with my life when/if I grow up? What?

Thespian Society

I woke with an interesting dream. I had formed a little thespian group for children and in my dream I was directing them. That was curious and it helped me remember that about twenty-five years ago I wrote and directed a play for our ward in Green Mountain, Colorado. I cannot even remember how it came about. (I must have opened my mouth at a Ward Council Meeting or something) I had certainly NEVER acted in, wrote, or directed a play before in my life! It was during the bicentennial of our nation. I had read several articles that moved me to my core. One was written in the Readers Digest and the other in the Ensign---all about the founding of this sacred nation and the writing of Constitution of the United States. My stage set was Constitution Hall, and the cast consisted of all men of course. In the back corners of the stage I incorporated scenes from the Book of Mormon and the Prophet Joseph Smith. Ron even played the part of a Nephite! He looked so good with his hairy legs showing! (Can you believe that I enticed my cute shy husband to do that!) Anyway, I just knew, I somehow knew how to spotlight those scenes, while dimming the lights on the frozen men in Philadelphia. Then they would come to life and the scenes of prophecy would black out, and so on, back and forth. It ended with a parade of cast members bursting in from the doors on either side of the cultural hall carrying the flag and singing "Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory of the Coming of The Lord!" The entire production was a testimony of Jesus Christ and the divine nature of this land, the founding of our nation, and the second coming of our Lord and Savior. It moved many to tears!

The curious thing is that I somehow KNEW how to pull all of this off. With absolutely no prior training or experience, yet it was somehow so familiar. As though I'd had that experience. I knew how to draw out the actors and get them to give me what I wanted. I knew what I wanted from lighting, and the costumes---well, there was a lady in our ward who had a stash of them including wigs. It was marvelous. I've never done anything like it since. I had literally forgotten that I ever had. It was one of the most exciting things I've ever done, and this mornings dream has me remembering the whole curious and remarkable thing. I remembered thinking at the time that surely I had participated in something similar in the life before and I had a strong feeling that I would do so again, but I'm quite certain it will be in the next life!

I've thought of all the things I haven't done (like design and build my own home, write another book, build furniture in my own woodworking shop, really learn to be a photographer, sculpt, paint, make a movie, etc., etc. etc.) and probably won't and can't do in this life, but each time I feel a twinge of regret, I am deeply assured that we have eons to live and enough time for all those things in the eternities.

You are all invited to the beautiful home I will someday build, which will be filled with sculpture and paintings and furniture that I have designed and built. (And you know Ron will stop running long enough for a party so he'll be there too!) Mostly I hope our home is filled with love! And, be sure and visit long enough to see my movies and plays!

The Center Place

I woke up remembering a curious dream. I was in the middle of some kind of treasure hunt, along with many other people. Of course we were using amazing technology to try and pinpoint a place in a very large, busy, noisy city. It was a center place, which if found, would have strange and amazing characteristics. There was even a rumor that a very few people who had entered that place, had simply vanished, never to be heard of again. I found myself getting very, very close and could sense that it was like being in the eye of a storm, completely quiet, serene, soothing and magical, and then I woke up!

All morning I have been pondering this strange dream and what it’s source could be. I realized I have been reading some old classics as well as searching the scriptures again on the topic of the New Jerusalem the center place. After my scripture study, I started the Wizard of Oz, and then went on to Jane Eyre. I love the first part of Jane Eyre when Jane meets Helen Burns. Jane and Helen are particularly singled out for persecution by some of the teachers and the cruel benefactor of their charity school. Jane (like myself) does not react well to the persecution; she is angry and full of despair and indignation at the unfairness of it all, but Helen exhibits complete Christlike patience, humility and serenity through it all. Since the day I first read "Jane Eyre" as a youth I have wanted to be like Helen, but my natural tendencies have always kept me kicking against the pricks.

The lesson I taught this week in my Gospel Doctrine Class was on the "gifts of the spirit" and the most over-riding impression for me was the quote (on the side bar of my blog) by George Q. Cannon. We cannot just excuse our faults, but must pray for the gifts of the spirit that will help us correct them.

Well, it amazes me how dreams can pull such varied thoughts and experiences together and I reached a very profound conclusion about the meaning of my dream. Though while writing this blog it occurred to me, this could be a great plot for a science fiction/spiritual self-improvement/adventure book all in one! (What genre is that?) I could keep people turning the pages through adventure to reach a very profound spiritual conclusion in the end.

Soooo . . . maybe, I won’t tell you what insight I had about the meaning of this dream yet. Would you be interested in such a book? I’ve had friends bug me lately about writing a sequel to my “out of print” book, but I have felt that I don’t have anything more to say, but maybe . . . .

Let me know if you would be interested in such a book.

Ordinary People

I had the most extraordinary dream last night. It seemed to last for hours and in such great detail! Ron and I were visiting Aunt Mame’s house after it had been restored and opened to the public. It was so large, and we marveled at the changes. It was just filled with memorabilia and at the end of the tour you could buy copies to help offset the cost of the restoration.

The extraordinary thing about the dream, was that as the tour guide moved us from room to room she taught the values of hard work, honesty, etc. of the couple who had built the home. In the dream they began to blend with Ron’s other grandparents the Fairbourns and some of the rooms looked like their house. But, then the entire church was celebrating these people. In all the wards they were having anyone who was descended from them speak in church. I marveled because these people were not prophets or famous public servants, just good ordinary people. Ron, Krisiti, Brian, Julie and Becky as well as little Becky and Ammon all participated and they were each amazed that they would be asked to do this.

The amazing thing about the dream was the feelings that it left me with. This morning I still feel a sense of deep gratitude that my husband and children are descended from such a noble family! And, I am a little amazed that these people were being so honored not for some extraordinary large scale public achievement, but for simply being good!

I am reminded of Elder Packer’s last conference talk when he said that the common good people in the church are the same in the Lord’s eyes as the highest leaders! I need to read this talk again, because most of the time I feel so insignificant! I wish I could express the profound feelings of honor and respect these people and “our family” were receiving for simply being good honorable people!