Adoption/More Than Just A Shadow In A Picture

This is a picture of me as a baby at a picnic with my parents. I was told that the shadow in the corner was my father's leg.

I just read a facebook post about a young woman having the love and the courage to give up a child that will be born out of wedlock. I feel so passionate about this because I am a sixty-year-old grandma who should have been given the chance to have parents who loved me and who were prepared to care for me. My teenaged mother was pushed into a "shotgun" marriage by her father, and after the marriage didn't work out my father left when I was only two. I didn't see him again until I was twenty-one years old. I remember as a child I would touch the shadow in that picture and long to know what it felt like to have my own father!

I grew up in abject poverty, and my childhood was miserable after my mother married a man who was abusive. She finally abandoned me when I was ten, and I was raised by a grandmother who resented every moment of it. I remember when I was little my mother would tell me often about a couple she knew who couldn't have children and who wanted very badly to adopt me. Then she would add, "At least I didn't give you up for adoption." I think she was trying to say, that she had tried to do what she thought was right, but that decision to keep me ruined her life, and denied me the love of a mother and a father.

If you know of any young girl who finds herself in this difficult situation, please tell her my story. I have heard of adopted children who mourn their birth mother, feel abandoned, and wonder why their mother's didn't want them. If you know of anyone like that, please tell them my story! And then tell them the story of Soloman's wisdom in 1Kings 3 about two women who both claimed a baby as her own. When Soloman threatened to cut the baby in half, giving each a portion, the true mother offered the baby to the other woman to spare it's life. Tell the children who are lucky enough to have had a birth mother with such wisdom, and love, that to spare the life of her child, she gave them the gift of gifts, the love of a mother AND a father who desperately wanted them and were mature and prepared enough to give a child a happy life!

After my marriage of almost forty years now, I am truly one of the most blessed women on earth, but even with the love of my wonderful children and husband, I don't think I will ever get over a deep longing to know the love that only parents can give.

Please tell the children!

Life Is A Blessing

Ron and I watched a movie tonight (in between trick or treaters) about a Dr. who went to Calcutta, India to escape his life. He'd lost a young patient and intended never to practice medicine again. While there his wallet was stolen and he was stranded for three weeks waiting for a new passport and funds. Of course he ended up befriending the local people and helping out the local medical clinic whose Dr. had left, and in the process found he had never been happier.

I was so moved by the poverty and hardship of the people's lives and amazed by the cruelty and inhumanity of some people. Lately I've been thinking about how corrupt almost all of this world's societies have been. Most people that have ever lived, have been enslaved by wicked, power hungry, selfish and brutal men; only a few times in the history of the world have there been perfect and happy societies. It makes me so sad. I've wondered how Heavenly Father can stand the grief.

While watching the movie I nearly cried as I wondered why some people were born into such poverty and hardship, but then, I had the most distinct and amazing thought that their circumstances are NOT a punishment but a blessing.

"A blessing?" I questioned in wonder.

I received an immediate and again distinct answer, "Yes — for all that experience will be "but a moment" and will serve them well through all of eternity.

Amazing! Our Heavenly Father truly loves His children as He watches over them, comforts them, weeps with them and rejoices over their triumphs! Truly ALL things will work together for our good if we but love the Lord. I feel better tonight — about the world. There are bullies here, but most people are humble and good, and even the bullies are loved by their Heavenly Father and are learning wonderful lessons. Again I am comforted that one day "every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ!"

Utopia/Zion

Almost thirty years ago when we lived in Denver, Brother Daniel Ludlow taught a class that I took. I can't remember much about it except that he said something that has stuck with me through the years. He said that if you want to know what will soon come to pass in the Lord's Kingdom, then listen carefully to what the adversary is about. For instance, before Joseph Smith had the first vision, there was a religious revival going on which was confusing and divisive. Before the blacks received the priesthood the world was stirred up over the civil rights movement. He said in essence that satan gets there first to distort people's thinking and to try and thwart the Lord's plan---to present a counterfeit if you will.

Today we are hearing a great divide in our nation and the world. It really is the war in heaven still raging. I just heard a commentator on the radio accuse a liberal caller of wanting a Utopia that will never work because she didn't believe in freedom. To want the government to redistribute everyones money by taking from the rich and giving to the poor will destroy incentive and take away everyone's prosperity (I agree). Satan uses many truths to present one distortion, such as gross inequality in the world is wrong (with which I also agree) but then he presents a false plan to equalize the problem. However, the reason the "Utopia" of the adversary will never work is one word---force---satan's counterfeit for Zion. Sir Winston Churchill said, "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."

The Lord's plan WILL work because when people choose to work together for the good of everyone in their community there really will be "no poor among us" and we will be happy like the Nephites after the coming of Christ! I have heard it stated that it takes a MORAL people to have a representative government like we in the United States are blessed to have (which almost everyone agrees is certainly hanging by a thread) but a Zion government will take nothing less than a people with pure hearts and perfectly righteous minds, united as one!

I haven't thought of Brother Ludlow's comment for years, but this morning it came into my mind as I realized how much of this stuff we've been hearing. We've just been blessed to hear again the Lord's plan of happiness for His children during Conference! Our Bishop said this last Sunday, that he prayed for Zion in our ward and that we should strive for it in our families and that we CAN create in within ourselves, right here, right now! How exciting! I really do believe that the time is coming (oh please let it be soon) that we will ALL live in peace and prosperity together in Zion!

Gospel Lessons I Have Learned from Crochet

I am finally starting a new crochet project! It has been months since I could sit that long due to my bulged disk. It still hurts a little, but I am learning how to cope. So, as I began to crochet this time, my mind reflected on all the lessons I have learned.

* PATIENCE: In my past I have never been known for having much, but I am learning.
* RHYTHM: The rhythm soothes my body and mind. I have time to think and pray. I started crocheting after my first open-heart surgery because I was going out of my mind! I found that the smooth rhythm would help my heart beat stabilize when it was in frib. Occasionally it still does, and it still helps.
* GOOD FOR THE MIND: I love doing the most complicated patterns I can find. I believe they helped my mind after so many mini-strokes threatened to take it away. Brian (who is a computer programmer) looked at my crochet instructions one day and said it looks a lot like computer code.
* OBEDIENCE: I love the precision required. It is like computer code, in that you must be absolutely precise or the pattern will be lost. Every coma, period, chain, double, single or triple crochet, every popcorn stitch etc, etc, etc, must be done with exactness!
* REPENTENCE: I love comparing it to the gospel. If you crochet one round incorrectly the next round becomes distorted. If you keep going like that soon the pattern is random and jumbled and out of shape without much meaning and not very pretty. However, if you "repent" by pulling out the mistakes and starting again, the pattern emerges and it is orderly and beautiful! That is like our lives. If we follow the “Plan of Happiness” our Heavenly Father has provided we can create something meaningful and beautiful out of our lives.
* CORRECT PATTERN: Sometimes I get a pattern off the internet. Too often the pattern has mistakes in it. You can imagine the trouble that causes. I’m grateful to have the restored gospel, with a plan I can trust! Our Father cannot change the pattern because it was "predicated" in Heaven before the foundations of the world, and because it is the pattern that works! But, He has provided our Savior Jesus Christ and because of Him we can back up, repent, and then go on! Also, whenever I have corrected a mistake in project, eventually it turns out beautifully and I can never tell you where the mistake was or even remember making one as I enjoy the perfect finished piece. I love that principle—though our sins be as scarlet, if we repent, they will be white as snow!
* PERSPECTIVE: Sometimes I like to try a pattern that doesn't have a picture, just to see what will emerge. Our lives are like that. We can't see the big picture, but I like to remember that our Heavenly Father can. If we keep following HIS pattern our lives will turn out just fine.
* ENDURE TO THE END: I love the good feeling of completing a project. Occasionally I put one away that I didn't have time to finish or grew bored with. At that point it is simply a waste of time, just knots tied into string, stuffed away in a drawer and of no use. But, if I complete the project, wash it, block it and use it; it is beautiful. It is even more satisfying if I give it to a friend! I have realized that too often for the last ten years since my son died, I have not progressed. I have hid behind my closed door. Lately, having been called to teach Gospel Doctrine and with a new calling at the Draper Temple to be an assistant coordinator, I have been pushed out of my comfort zone. I guess it’s time to share myself more and become what Heavenly Father wants me to be instead of all tied up in knots.
* IT BECOMES EASIER: At first a new pattern is hard. I have to really work at it to get it right, and it doesn’t look like much at first. But, as I try so very hard to read, re-read, check each stitch and really pay attention a beautiful pattern begins to emerge which spurs me on! Then as I become familiar with it, like when doing squares for a tablecloth that repeats, I can get too complacent. I don’t pay attention to detail and then find that I have made stupid mistakes. Life can be like that when we don’t pay attention!
* KNITTING: Knitting is usually more practical. (Remember the ALL the hats and scarves I knit a few years ago for Christmas?) But, you have to pay closer attention because it is sooooo much harder to unpick. Life’s big decisions like marriage and career choices are like that too.
* CROSS STITCH & HARDANGER DRIVES ME CRAZY: I had to give up cross stitch and I never did complete Kathy Samsel’s beautiful hardanger. It is just stress and not worth the price I pay to do it! I have learned that we cannot do or enjoy doing everything, and that’s okay too!