Love You Forever

As I write this tears are streaming down my face. I have already tried to sleep, but my sleeping pill hasn't kicked in and I couldn't be more tired. I finally went back to the temple today. It was wonderful and soooo tiring, so I am plenty tired, but as I lay in bed thinking about all the mistakes I have made as a mother---all of the disapointments my children have suffered at my hands, I felt blue. I miss Robert today. I have missed him almost EVERY hour of every day of the last ten years, but sometimes it's worse, like tonight. So, unable to sleep, I was just dinking around on the internet traying to get as sleepy as I am tired and I typed into google: "Robert where are you?" When to my amazement a 34 page list of books came up, (I didn't search for books) and the very top book was "Love You Forever" by Robert N. Munsh. Who knew that a Robert had written it?

Kristi gave me that book for Christmas signed by all of my children while Brian was on his mission. (I later had him sign it.) The amazing thing about the book was that the day after Robert died I found myself alone in the living room, and cried out loud, "Robert do you love me?" My eyes immediately went to that little tiny blue book on the bookshelf. I have a lot of books on that shelf, and I did not know where that particular book was at the time. I certainly didn't know where anything I owned was on that horrible day, but my eyes immediately landed on it and I took it off the shelf and read it, then read all the signatures of my children including Roberts!

Can this even be a coincidence---of all the books written by men named Robert and this one came up first? Surely someone is trying to comfort me. Could it be Robert? Can he possibly love me?